I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
