Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
