at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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