I faked an abortion last night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
