So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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