I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
