The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
