Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize