Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
