I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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