Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
