im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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