did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
