Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
