wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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