The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
