Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
