Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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