I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You ate ashes out of my bong
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
