she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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