I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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