I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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