conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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