my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
