oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize