We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
