3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
