pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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