I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
