what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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