was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
