Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
