Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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