I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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