Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
