You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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