i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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