I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
