god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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