i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
