I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
