dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
