On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
