honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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