I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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