Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
