i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize