So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
