if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
