i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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