1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
why do cheetos always look like penises
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
