I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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