and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
