At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
