Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Randomize
