Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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