I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
