Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize