the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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