Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
