I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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