bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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