I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
