just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
