do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think we might need a safe word for this...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
