i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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