My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize